Steve and I met and fell in love in our twenties. We both thought we would want children “some day.” Eleven years later we realized “some day” had finally arrived. I was thirty-six then, but I never thought we would have any problems conceiving. My mom had three children in her late thirties and into her forties.
After six months with no success, my doctor ran the usual tests and found nothing wrong, so my OB recommended going to PFC. We did one IUI, then decided to move on to IVF. My first IVF cycle failed. We were preparing for the second when we were delighted to findout I was pregnant naturally. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
We wanted more children, and as it had taken two and a half years to conceive Alan, we decided to start trying again straight away. We weren’t so lucky this time, so after 18 months we were back at PFC talking to Dr. Givens about doing IVF again. Then we discovered a new problem – my FSH was now elevated. So, now I also had decreased ovarian reserve in addition to unexplained infertility.
We tried four cycles of IVF with my own eggs. I did get pregnant on my third cycle, but sadly miscarried at eleven weeks. I was now forty-two and felt it was time to move on.
Now we faced decision time-do we give up, move on to donor egg, or move to adoption? We were both sure we wanted more children, and I felt that by carrying the child I would feel that it was truly mine, even if I didn’t have the biological connection. Oddly enough, it was harder for Steve to move on to an egg donor. But after lots of talking it through, he felt it was the best choice for our family too.
We met with Peggy the PFC counselor, who was very helpful. Dr. Givens thought an egg donor was a great option for us. She said that with a transfer of two blastocysts, our chances of conceiving were about 80%. We ended up with a short list of two potential donors. One was a perfect match on paper—my height, my hair color, my eye color, with the right ethnic background. The second wasn’t such a perfect match, but I just felt a really strong connection to her. I really felt that if we met in real life we would be friends. In my mind I kept going back to something Peggy had said “pick someone you really like”, it was great advice. We went with donor number two, and are very happy with our choice.
Initially everything went well, but then on day three we received a phone call asking us to come in. Our embryos were looking very stressed. Most were grade three with low cell count. We transferred the best three and prayed.
On the day of our beta pregnancy test, Ann (one of the nurses at PFC) called to give us the good news. I was pregnant! Once we saw the heartbeats, we told our son Alan, “Mommy has two babies growing in her tummy,” and he was thrilled. Feeling those babies kicking and squirming around inside, I had no doubt whose babies they were—I might not have provided the eggs, but my body turned those little seven or eight celled embryos into two beautiful children.
The first day Alan got to meet his new brother and sister the look on his face said it all. It was love at first sight. He has made a wonderful big brother, the twins adore him, and our family now feels complete. I feel truly lucky when I look at my three wonderful children. I am very grateful to Dr. Givens and all the wonderful staff at PFC, and especially to our donor.
Some people may wonder, if I love all of my children the same. They have three very different personalities, so I love them all differently; but I do love each one as much as the other. In the words of one of our favorite books, they are “all my favorites.”
—Submitted by Trisha (PFC patient)
