Tune in for a Channel 5 news special! The story shares the journey of Dino, a single restaurant owner, and his quest to have his own son. The special also features PFC’s Dr. Carl Herbert.

The two part special will air on Channel 5 on Wednesday, November 16th at 11pm and Thursday, November 17th at 6pm.

You won’t want to miss it!

Embryo freezing is a routine part of the IVF process.  Approximately 60% of patients have embryos in frozen storage after their cycle is complete.  These embryos can be used at any time; but it is common that some embryos remain after couples have completed their families.  This situation leaves patients facing a very difficult decision regarding the final disposition of any embryos still frozen.  Quite often patients are not prepared to make such a decision, nor are they aware of their disposition options. Patients were so focused on simply getting pregnant, they had not considered what to do with any remaining embryos after the cycle was complete. This article provides a brief explanation about the three disposition options available at PFC for surplus frozen embryos: disposal, research (and then disposal), or donation to another couple for use in achieving pregnancy.

Disposal of your embryos means they are removed from the storage tank and placed in a biohazard waste disposal container. Once the embryos are removed from the liquid nitrogen storage tank, they lose all viability in a matter of seconds. The embryos are not used for research purposes, not donated to any individual or company, and are not cultured beyond the stage of development at which they were frozen.  They are disposed of as medical waste.

Donating your embryos for use in research requires that the embryos be shipped to a company called Reprogenetics, LLC, based in New Jersey (www.reprogenetics.com). At Reprogenetics, the embryos are studied to understand normal and abnormal development.  Donating embryos specifically for stem cell research is also possible.  Reprogenetics offers a stem cell research option, however,  some additional paperwork must be completed directly with Reprogenetics  Whether donating to Reprogenetics for stem cell research or basic research, a PFC Research Disposition form must be competed.

Donating your embryos for use by another couple can be broken down into three sub-categories: known donation, open donation and anonymous donation. Known donation, also called directed donation, is the donation of your embryos to a person or couple that you know personally, perhaps a good friend or family member.

Anonymous donation of your embryos means that you donate your embryos to an organization, and the organization places your embryos with a family that you do not know and will not meet. The identity of both the donors and the recipients is not disclosed to either party. Through the PFC Embryo Placement Program, only anonymous embryo donations are accepted. Any stipulations about to whom or to what type of family situation the embryos are donated cannot be accommodated (i.e.: that the embryos be donated to a two-parent household, or a household of a certain income level, or living in a certain geographic area). The placement of anonymously donated embryos operates on a first-come, first-serve basis. At the moment, we have a very long list of patients wishing to receive donor embryos. Currently there is nearly a two year wait).

Open donation is the donation of your embryos to a party that you do NOT know, but wish to meet, and/or possibly remain in contact with, after the embryos are donated. Open donations require further legal expertise and overall guidance and handling beyond PFC’s current abilities. For these reasons, PFC is unable to offer open donations to our patients. For those interested in an open donation, or for those requesting certain criteria be met by the recipients, patients are encouraged to research third party agencies that facilitate embryo donations, both anonymous and open. One such program is the Snowflakes Frozen Embryo Adoption and Donation Program (www.snowflakes.org), operated by Nightlight Christian Adoptions. Snowflakes facilities both open & anonymous donation of embryos and can accommodate most requests from the donors and the recipients. Another possibility is Miracles Waiting (www.miracleswaiting.com), an online do-it-yourself matching program for donors and recipients. More general information about embryo donation and adoption can be found at the National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC): www.embryodonation.org.

At PFC, all embryo dispositions are handled by our tissue bank manager Alexis VonAustin.  Her contact number is 415-249-3636. She can assist you with information, paperwork, and if necessary, with the shipping of embryos to the agencies listed above.

- Alexis VonAustin and Joe Conaghan, Pd.D., HCLD.

Article originally written by Erica Reder and was published in The New Fillmore.  Article was slightly shortened for length.  To read the complete article and to see pictures, click here.

It’s 7:30 on a Tuesday evening, and nearly every seat in Dino’s Pizza at the corner of Fillmore and California is taken. Couples and families crowd the tables, sharing pizzas, draft beers and sodas. Three television screens broadcast the Tennessee-Vanderbilt basketball game, while mob movie stills and portraits of famous athletes stare out from the walls.

But the newest decoration hangs from the balcony. It’s a blue blanket that proclaims: “BABY BOY.”

Owner Dino Stavrikikis struts among the diners, his photo-loaded iPhone at the ready. Customers gush over pictures of the month-old baby named Santino, while the proud father regales them with tales from the crib. “I really love talking about this story,” says Dino, who’s on a first name basis with nearly everyone in the neighborhood. “I talk about it 10 times a day.”

Santino Vasili Stavrikikis was born on January 22. But the story began a year and a half ago, when the 50-year-old bachelor set his sights on becoming a father.

“There wasn’t one specific day that it hit me and I said, ‘Okay, this is what I need to do,’ ” says Dino. “It was just at this point in my life — you know, you get a little older.”

When the idea of having a son took root, he turned to his customers for advice. “I don’t know what anyone does for a living, but everyone does something,” he says. “So I was kind of throwing out words here and there, and hoping someone would hear me and say, ‘This is where you need to go.’ ”

That moment occurred in August 2009 when friends of Dr. Carl Herbert, a fertility specialist and president of the Pacific Fertility Center, came to Dino’s for dinner. “I started talking about it,” Dino recalls. “They all just stopped eating and said, ‘We have the guy for you.’ ”

Still, Dino admits he had a steep learning curve. “I didn’t know what a surrogate was, I didn’t know what an egg donor was,” he says. “I just kind of knew something about the process.”

And the options seemed overwhelming. He had to choose both an egg donor and a surrogate mother.

But other variables would prove beyond his control. “In January of 2010, within three days my egg donor and carrier fell apart,” says Dino. “I had to start the process all over, start the finances all over. But not once did I think it wasn’t going to happen.”

After losing two egg donors to failed tests, Dino met his best match yet. “Once I met her, I knew she was the right one,” he says of his third, and actual, egg donor.

Searching for a surrogate mother, Dino found the winning combination in a Southern California woman named Dusty Kenney. “We clicked right away,” he says.

Kenney agrees. “I feel really blessed that we found each other because we have such a good connection,” she says. Kenney has a daughter of her own, but she too was new to the world of surrogate pregnancies.

She and Dino kept in close contact throughout her pregnancy, which resulted from the implantation of the donor’s egg fertilized by his sperm. “He would call and check on me probably every other day,” she says. “He would fly down all the time and hang out and he would cook me dinner. He was supportive through the whole process.”

Dino had planned to visit more often as Santino’s February 23 due date approached. “I was going to fly down there on the 15th of February and check into a hotel and just wait it out,” he says. But as it happened, everyone was caught off guard when Santino arrived a month early.

“I got the phone call on the 22nd at 5 in the morning,” Dino recalls. He was there when Santino made his appearance that afternoon at 5:18 at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Beverly Hills.

It completely changed Dino’s life. A man who says he had “never lived with anybody” acquired not one but two new roommates: his baby son and a live-in nanny. “She’s phenomenal,” he says of the nanny. “We’ve really gotten along, and we’re making it work.”

They weren’t so sure a month ago when Dino and the nanny brought Santino up from Los Angeles. “We got home at 6 o’clock on Thursday night,” he recalls, “and we just looked at each other like, ‘Now what?’ It forced us to get into fifth gear right away.”

Santino’s temperament makes things easier. “He’s really patient,” says Dino. “He’s a good sport.”

His surrogate mother agrees. “He just has such a calm, sweet personality,” says Kenney. “He doesn’t cry unless he’s hungry.” She has visited Dino and Santino since the birth, and expects to continue to make regular visits. “I imagine I’ll see them once a month,” she says.

Kenney also has thought ahead. “I would imagine it would be like the role of an aunt,” she says. “I just want to be there for him. I think the more fans a child has when growing up the better.”

The egg donor has yet to meet Santino, but Dino expects that she will. “She lives in Florida, but she wanted to be involved as much as she could,” he says.

In the meantime, Santino gets plenty of attention. “Every day he gets two or three presents from around the world,” says Dino. “Everybody comes in and asks for him. It’s turned out, he’s not my son; I’m his father.”

Those who have yet to meet Santino will have ample opportunity when they stop by for pizza. “I want to bring him more and more and more,” Dino says. “But he’s got to get a little bigger.”

Until then, a message painted on the restaurant windows announces to customers and passersby alike: “Santino has arrived.”

Dino says he plans to take down the signs after Santino’s 40-day blessing, a Greek Orthodox rite that will take place in early March. And he’s already dreaming of Santino’s future. “He’ll definitely be working at Dino’s when he’s really young,” says Dino, “just kind of walking around and helping me out.”

For now, father and son see each other mainly outside of the restaurant. “I have to work,” says Dino, “but my schedule’s really flexible.”

The two have already created some memorable moments. “On Saturday, we hung out and watched The Godfather,” Dino says. In the film, Santino is the first-born son of New York Mafia boss Vito Corleone — and the name, which means “little saint” in Italian, stuck with Dino when he first saw The Godfather 35 years ago.

“Dino means ‘the sword,’ ” says Dino. “So it’s the sword and the little saint, which to me means we’re basically watching each other’s back.”

I was 39 when my husband and I married. We had tried for many months to get pregnant, and finally sought infertility treatment from Kaiser.  Three miscarriages followed, and we decided to stop treatment. Shortly after that, much to our amazement, a month-long vacation in Indonesia turned out to be the fertility treatment we needed I was 41, and the amniocentesis said all was well.  Our son, all 10.5 pounds of him, was born in 1999, when I was 42. 

When no other children made their appearance the old-fashioned way, we turned to Dr. Schriock at PFC, and found an egg donor.  Despite having only three embryos, my husband and I were optimistic. We were delighted when I became pregnant with the last embryo.  It was a tremendous relief for us to get past the first three months of the pregnancy, when most miscarriages occur.  When my husband suggested I have an amniocentesis, I wondered why, since the egg donor was 26 and my husband was 39.  He said he would be more comfortable if we were certain all was well with the baby, so we had the amnio performed when I was about four months along. 

This time the results were not good; the geneticist called on a Thursday evening and told me that the baby had Down syndrome. The odds of this happening with a 26 year old egg donor were about 1 in 1,000.  We were just unlucky.  My husband and I had agreed in advance of the test that we would not bring a special needs child into the world. Grief-stricken, we ended the pregnancy. 

Our IVF miracle had become a tragedy.  Not only had we ended a much-wanted pregnancy, but as this was our last embryo, we had reached the end of the line in our quest for a second child. It was unbelievably painful to have come so close, and then have the outcome we did. When we had decided to pursue egg donation, I knew it was far from certain that we would come home with a baby, but I had felt that it would work out all right for us. To have spent such a tremendous amount of time, money, and emotion, and have it end the way it had was almost too much to bear. 

Mourning the unborn is a lonely business, especially when you have made the decision to end the pregnancy because of a poor pre-natal diagnosis.  We received a number of e-mail condolence notes, a handful of cards, and a couple of calls. We were very glad for these, but they came to a close quickly, and soon we were alone with our grief.

I found comfort in the A Heartbreaking Choice website http://www.aheartbreakingchoice.com/, and in a Kaiser support group for families who had ended pregnancies because of poor pre-natal diagnosis.

Friends advised me to move on; they pointed out that I had put a tremendous amount of time and effort into expanding our family, and now I needed to decide what else to do with that energy. I rejected that line of thought. I had always felt, after our first child, that I had one more good baby left in me, so I broached to my husband the idea of getting another egg donor and trying again. We are not a wealthy couple; my husband works for a non-profit, and I run a small business.  We live in a small, old house.  Our cars are old.  The thought of starting afresh with the payments for another egg donor and the clinical care seemed impossible. 

I approached Dr. Schriock at PFC, and asked if there was help for a couple like us. He replied that PFC offered closed embryo donations; meaning that we could be put in a queue to receive donated embryos, but we would not meet the donors.  This didn’t feel right to my husband and I.  Subsequently, the doctors at PFC offered to treat us at a reduced fee, and the embryo donation agency we had used the first time (Jackie Gorton) did the same.

We chose another donor, and I became pregnant on the first transfer.  My son and I had always been extremely close, and I was a little worried during the pregnancy that, perhaps, I wouldn’t love this child as much as I loved my son.  I didn’t want the fact that she didn’t share my genes to matter, but would it?

The pregnancy was easy, and the day after Christmas, our daughter was born in a lovely natural birth. Kelly weighed in at eleven and a half pounds (making her the biggest non-caesarean baby born at Kaiser Walnut Creek in 2008!)

My worries were unfounded; my husband and I both feel we got the child that was meant for us. We loved her the instant we saw her, and my husband, son, and I enjoy every minute we have with her. Kelly is now two, and she is much like her brother: fun, funny, affectionate, bright, and coordinated.

We went down a long, hard road to build our family; four embryo transfers, three miscarriages, two egg donors, and one ended pregnancy. But after it all, we got our two beautiful children, and life would be so less rich without them.

~~~

Sidebar

We have eight embryos in storage at PFC, and we would like to donate them to a couple that needs them. We would like the embryos to go to a Bay Area couple interested in an open adoption—meaning we would like to have an on-going relationship with the family that the embryos go to. 

Here is a little information about our children.  They are both tall for their age, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and fair-skinned.  Their ancestry is Dutch, Scottish, French, Irish, Swedish, and Norwegian. The mental and physical health histories of the biological parents are good.

If you are interested in seeing if your family and ours might be a match, please send information about yourselves to mkdonation@gmail.com 

-Anonymous

One of the biggest challenges we face as fertility medicine specialists is how to do more to help our least-likely-to-succeed patients. What I mean here is the 42-and-over age group, patients with high FSH levels (decreased ovarian reserve), patients with very low responses to fertility medications, or those with very poor quality eggs. Some patients have a combination of the above which leads to a really dim prospect of having a baby with their own eggs.

Some people get the impression that fertility clinics avoid these patients like they have a communicable disease. They get the impression that we try to cherry pick patients to keep success rates high and make the CDC stats look good.  My impression from talking to my colleagues across the country and certainly from our own practice is that we do not try to discourage patients with poor possibilities from making a consult appointment and discussing treatment options. We all have such patients. In fact, we have so many of them at PFC, I don’t think we would have many patients at all if we tried to pre-select our best prognosis patients for IVF. When it comes to treatment, although there are challenges and sometimes the rewards are few, we don’t just throw up our hands and give up. We try to come up with a strategy to achieve the goal, looking at the emotional reserves and financial resources we have to work with, and start by making a plan.

Sometimes that plan will be to try a couple of cycles of low-tech approach, like just intrauterine insemination or Clomid + insemination, or a mid-level approach, like injections of FSH along with  insemination. We would see how things go and play it by ear from there. Sometimes, the plan will be to blast ahead to the big guns, full steam ahead to IVF. Sometimes, it’s counseling with our marriage and family therapist to begin the discussion: are we ready to move on to donor eggs? Sometimes it’s a sequence of all of the above. There really is no one plan for any one person. It’s just too complex to say one size fits all.

A certain percentage, even of the-less-likely-to-succeed patients will get pregnant with their own eggs and go on to deliver a healthy baby. The remainder may be faced with a tough decision. Do we just stop here and live child-free?  There are certain perks to that plan (sleeping in on the weekends, eating in nicer restaurants, adult vacations to name just a couple) but most people want to have a family no matter what or how. So then there is the adoption vs. egg donation question. There is no right or wrong choice here, either: just choices.

For patient(s) who need to use an egg donor to create or expand their family, medical scrutiny is performed on the chosen egg donor before she can proceed with the IVF cycle.

The medical screening of egg donors is an important process. Here at the PFC Egg Donor Agency, we proceed with an extensive screening process PRIOR to allowing the egg donor to become eligible for choosing by the intended parent(s). This extensive screening is performed to help determine and identify any medical factors which may disqualify the donor, or to identify information which may require additional testing prior to determining donor eligibility. At PFC, our philosophy is that we want to identify any issues prior to intended parents choosing the donor, so that the risk of identifying medical issues with the donor after the start of the IVF cycle is minimized, and the risk of canceling the cycle is much reduced.

Medical screening for the donor includes an extensive review of her personal and family medical history, physical exam and pelvic ultrasound, psychological evaluation (in-person visit with our MFT Peggy Orlin),

standardized personality assessment (PAI), and blood testing including ethnic appropriate genetic testing.

The PFC Egg Donor Agency complies with current recommendations by the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG), and the American College of Medical Genetics (ACMG). The donor identifies her ethnic background, and based on this information, appropriate testing is performed (see article by Lauri Black, Genetic Counselor, outlining current recommendations). This testing is done and results reviewed prior to approving the egg donor as eligible to be in the donor database. If the donor is a carrier for a genetic mutation, this may disqualify her from being an egg donor; some genetic mutations may not be disqualifying, but the sperm source may need to be screened for that mutation, prior to deciding to choose that egg donor. These tested mutations are for recessive disorders, so an embryo would only be at risk of having the disorder if BOTH the egg and sperm source were carriers for the identified mutation (see above noted article).

It is important to understand that new genetic mutations are identified almost every day; so recommendations for ethnic-based testing do potentially change year by year. While many genetic mutations have been identified on the human genome, many of these are very rare, and only mutations that are more frequently seen within one’s ethnic group are those that are recommended to be tested for. It is not appropriate, nor feasible, to check for all known possible mutations. The PFC Egg Donor Agency is kept apprised of current recommendation by our affiliated genetic counselors, so that our list of genetic screening tests may change over time. Rest assured that we keep informed of these changes, and comply with up-to-date recommendations.

While all this testing may seem cumbersome, it is to help assure that once you choose your egg donor, we can proceed with the IVF cycle with minimal risk of a cancellation, and start you on your way to achieve your dream of a healthy family.

At Pacific Fertility Center, we consider very carefully the number of embryos we transfer to each patient. Our goal is to create a healthy singleton pregnancy. We do our best to avoid multiple gestations. Consequently, in many cycles where we think that the chance of pregnancy is extremely high, we transfer only a single embryo. Our outstanding and robust embryo cryopreservation program preserves all embryos that were not transferred in the fresh cycle. Patients who transfer only a single embryo can feel secure in knowing that there are frozen embryo(s) available should they be needed.

Recently, we completed our analysis of the cumulative pregnancy rates per cycle for 2007. This type of report represents the overall pregnancy chance from a single IVF treatment cycle. This data was not available previously as many patients delay their use of frozen embryos. This cumulative analysis looks at the chance of pregnancy from a single IVF cycle when using both fresh embryos and subsequent frozen embryos, if needed.

Table 1 shows the rates for patients that used their own eggs (oocytes).
Table 2 shows pregnancy rates for patients that were the recipients of donor oocytes.

Please note that these are not delivered pregnancy rates. Many of these pregnancies are ongoing. There are also some patients that have not yet achieved pregnancy, but have frozen embryos remaining.

Pacific Fertility Center launched it’s Educational Series on July 31 st with a presentation on the “Disclosure of Use of Sperm or Egg Donors.” The speaker was Dr. Bob Nachtigall, a local Reproductive Endocrinologist, who has done much research and published numerous papers on various fertility related issues. Dr. Nachtigall addressed the difficult decisions couples face, who attempt conception with donor sperm or donor eggs. These include when to abandon medical treatment using their own gametes, whether to conceive with donor gametes over other options such as adoption, and decisions related to the selection of a donor. Yet the final decision, whether to disclose to their children the circumstances of their conception, is one of the most challenging.

He and his team, conducted research which was based on interviews with 254 parents of children conceived with donor sperm or eggs, they found that 95% of study couples came to a united disclosure after discussions that reflected a wide range of contexts and influences that included: the sociopolitical environment of the community; the couples’ friendships and support network; counseling and professional opinion; religious and cultural background; extended and immediate family structure and relationships; the child’s appearance; and the couple’s individual personal and ethical beliefs. For those couples who decided to tell their young children about their use of a donor, no parent expressed regret or reported a negative outcome after having initiated disclosure.

Dr. Nachtigall will be returning to PFC, to present his findings from a research study he did on “Frozen Embryos.” The annual number of IVF procedures performed in the U.S. has increased from less than 2,500 in 1985 to over 120,000 today. Yet the rapid growth and availability of this advanced reproductive technology has had an unforeseen consequence – the accumulation of an estimated 500,000 frozen embryos that represent the unused “leftovers” of past IVF cycles.

His presentation will address the question of what to do with frozen embryos, which is complicated by the variety and disparity of their potential uses and fates: (1) they can be used by the couple in further attempts to conceive; (2) they can be “donated” to other infertile couples who wish to have a child; (3) they can be used in stem cell research; (4) they can be destroyed; (5) they can be stored indefinitely. Dr. Nachtigall and his team interviewed over 100 couples (many of whom were PFC patients) who had undergone IVF. The team found that ambivalence, uncertainty and most significantly, feelings of deep connection to a couple’s own embryos are several factors that cause difficulty in reaching a disposition decision.

The presentation on “Frozen Embryos” has not been scheduled at this time. However, please watch for dates and times in upcoming issues of Fertility Flash.

PFC Educational Series 2008

The PFC Educational Series are presentations held the last Thursday of each month from 4:00 till 5:30 p.m. in the PFC Education Center located at 55 Francisco Street, Suite 500. The presentations address various topics, which are open to PFC staff, as well as members of the medical community. The PFC physicians found offering programs of this nature would be an ideal way to increase knowledge regarding different topics. In addition, this is a great opportunity to “reach out” to other local physicians and their staff, by offering educational resources, that they otherwise may not have access. The presentations are offered at no charge and the topics will be published in the Fertility Flash, as well as on the website www.pacificfertilitycenter.com. If you are interested in attending this presentation, please contact our Development Department directly at 415-249-3656.

As a lesbian couple, we were aware that getting pregnant might be a challenge and might require medical intervention, but decided to try at home anyway.  Since Jean is older it made sense for her to carry first.  In 2002, we began the process of trying to conceive with our known donor.  We had a few challenges to overcome. Our donor was from out of state and we had to use a shipping kit designed by University of Chicago Andrology Lab to maintain the viability of the sperm.  We hired a midwife to come to our home, clean the semen sample and do the insemination.  In 2004, after two years of trying and many dollars spent, it became apparent that we were not going to be successful on our own.

We spoke to our OB/GYN who recommended that we work with a fertility specialist.  On a recommendation from a Pacific Fertility Center staff counselor, Peggy Orlin, we contacted Dr. Eldon Schriock at PFC.  Though the initial paperwork and set up seemed daunting, we were able to complete the required items quickly and were ready to start fertility treatment with Dr. Schriock in March 2005.  Jean was set to do the “Clomid challenge” test on our first attempt.  With new FDA regulations looming in May 2005, we felt we had limited time to get Jean pregnant with our current donor so the pressure was on.  Although the PFC staff was not initially familiar with our shipping kit, they were more than willing to work with it and help us with the logistics.  Jean had a fortunate experience with Clomid and on April 15, 2005 with 3 good follicles we completed our first IUI with PFC.  Two weeks and 3 positive pregnancy tests later, we confirmed that we were in fact going to have a baby.  It was hard to believe that after so many years and tries it was actually happening.  Now 3 years later we have a beautiful and fun two year old girl named Logan.

When Logan was 5 months old, there was an accident in my family that gave us pause.  We realized life is short and you never know what is in store for you around the next corner .We decided to begin the process of trying to get Marni pregnant. In May 2006 we made the decision that we would begin the process at home, but needless to say, we were unsuccessful. After 6 months we would again meet with Dr. Schriock and his fabulous team of nurses and doctors.    Because of our history with PFC, we were able to quickly begin the process and get started trying to achieve pregnancy at PFC.

With the new FDA regulations now in place we had a host of new hoops to jump through. Once we cleared the list of hurdles, we began our attempt to get Marni pregnant.  After many different fertility treatments (Clomid, Letrazole, and Follistim), three different PFC doctors (Dr. Schriock, Dr. Ryan and Dr. Givens) all suggested that if we were committed to our donor then we should seriously think about IVF as an option because of the quality of his frozen/thawed sperm.  In October 2007 we began the IVF process.  Though there was a lot to manage and keep track of (when to give shots, appointments, blood tests, etc.) we never felt alone.  The PFC doctors, nurses and staff were always available for a phone conference to answer any questions or concerns.  In late November 2007 we completed IVF – the egg retrieval and embryo transfer process.  Four embryos were implanted out of the seven that fertilized.  In December 2007, two weeks later, we received the positive blood test result and were ecstatic.  Unfortunately, within days of the positive pregnancy result it became clear that this was not going to be a viable pregnancy.  Marni had apparently been pregnant with twins. She miscarried the first embryo and had to undergo not only the abortion pill, but a subsequent D&C to remove the second gestational sac.  Dr. Schriock and all of the staff, nurses and other doctors were available for emotional support and medical guidance throughout the process.

We completed our second egg retrieval and awaited the fertilization results.  Our hopes were high but we were realistic and knew that anything could happen. As it turned out, Marni’s second round of IVF was unsuccessful. Though the quality of embryos was better than in the first cycle, she did not get pregnant.  We had a few conversations with Dr. Schriock and determined that if she were to continue trying to get pregnant, it would take an ovum donor and a lot of money.  We decided to have Jean try again, because we wanted to be pragmatic and realistic and keep the goal of adding to our family in mind.  Jean is currently under Dr. Schriock’s care and last week she completed a course of Clomid and an IUI.  We are now in the waiting period and are hopeful for a positive result.

Our experience with PFC, Dr. Schriock and all the other staff has been great.  We had a few bumps along the way but the doctors, nurses, office manager and staff responded quickly and effectively.  We always felt at ease to express concerns and ask questions.  Everyone we encountered at PFC has a good understanding of how emotional this process can be and has always been empathetic in their dealings with us.  We never felt uncomfortable as a lesbian couple.  We would absolutely recommend PFC for their cutting edge technology, knowledge and exceptional care during this highly emotional event.

Best Regards,
Marni & Jean

In the June 2008 issue of the Fertility Flash, Dr. Isabelle Ryan answered a question on how to choose an egg donor from a medical perspective. This month I’ll focus on the psychological aspects of choosing an agency egg donor. As the Marriage and Family Therapist at Pacific Fertility Center, this is a question I address regularly. All PFC patients considering ovum donation will have a complimentary meeting with me

Choosing an egg donor may seem like a daunting and foreign process. You are undertaking an unfamiliar task that you probably never planned on. But now that you are here, it may help to remember that the gene pool is huge. No matter whose gametes create your offspring; your children will be a magical and unique blend of nature and nurture. DNA is not destiny. Your love, your values, your womb, all have an impact on the person your child will become.

I find the following to be helpful reminders as you move forward with choosing a donor:

• The experience of attachment to a child, the feeling of being in love with him or her, happens regardless of whether one or both parents share the child’s DNA.
• Mothers and fathers are the ones that raise and love a child. Donors are the ones that donated or helped.
• Most donors donate for a complex blend of altruistic and monetary reasons.
• Each of our PFC agency donors has a psychological interview with me. In addition they take a psychological test (PAI); this test assists me in assessing not only their personality, but also their honesty and reliability.
• The more stringent your criteria for choosing a donor, the longer it will take to find her.

So, how in the world do you choose a donor?

I think there is a relatively simple answer to this seemingly complex question.

Choose the donor that jumps off the page at you. Choose the donor whom you like best, resonate with, feel a connection to, are impressed by.

That donor may or may not look exactly like you, but she will be someone you might have chosen as a friend or you could imagine as your daughter.

I believe the goal in choosing an egg donor is to be able to look at your child and either say or think to yourself, “we couldn’t use my DNA, but we chose someone we thought was lovely, interesting, attractive, smart, motivated (add the adjectives of your choice) to be our child’s donor. “

Practically speaking, if you have a partner, it may work best to look at donor profiles separately from him or her. After each of you note your favorites, you should then come together and choose from the selections that you both indicated. This process helps assure you both were able to choose without pressure from your partner.

Finally, please remember there is no “perfect donor,” but that does not mean you won’t be blessed with the “perfect child.”