My husband and I have been riding the infertility roller coaster for almost 3 years now. The ups and downs have included invasive diagnostic testing, four failed intrauterine inseminations (IUIs) and most recently an unsuccessful in-vitro fertilization (IVF) attempt. Each wave of excitement over the hope brought on by the next treatment cycle would come crashing back down with the negative news. While I am confident I am receiving the best possible medical care with the team at PFC and am keeping “hope frozen in time” with my frozen embryos, it can still be a hard road to travel.

Considering my first attempt at IVF failed, you would think I would be at the lowest point of my journey towards parenthood. But, amazingly, I am not. I am sharing my story to tell you how I survived the ups and downs and was able to feel more grounded and

Lisa Wickham.

regained a sense of control in my life while continuing treatment.

This is what saved me: A powerful combination of group support and mind/body techniques.

My PFC acupuncturist (seeing tears stream down my face) recommended a Mind/Body class to help ease my obvious difficulty in coping with the emotional stress I was under. This was huge. This was the first step I would take in reclaiming my 0ormer self. What are Mind/ Body techniques? They are tools including deep breathing, meditation, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, cognitive reframing, light yoga, tai chi and journaling exercises. My first thought was, “Will this be too ‘new age-y’ for me?” I could barely comprehend the fact that I was doing acupuncture regularly, let alone meditate.

The great thing about Mind/Body is that it is a tool box, so you pick what works for you. I never really did learn to meditate, but the regular use of relaxation CDs for deep breathing, muscle relaxation and guided imagery has given me profound peace of mind. Cognitive reframing (learning to recognize destructive thoughts and “reframe” them) was also powerful for me. I used to hear a tape playing in my head over and over, “I’ll never get pregnant, I’ll never get pregnant”. I learned to challenge the truth of that statement and rethink how it made me feel. A 10-week Mind/Body course I took was a key turning point. PFC offers a one-day workshop that offers an introduction to Mind/Body and is free for patients.

The other key component to my peace of mind has been meeting others who “get it”. It’s hard to explain to someone not experiencing infertility themselves just how this takes over your life. Well-meaning family and friends try to understand, but they truly cannot. Only my best friend, who also experienced difficulty in trying to conceive “got it”. That is, until I did my first IUI. Having to explain washed sperm to her and describe what it’s like to have your legs in stirrups as the washed sperm is inserted into you was beyond depressing. I knew I needed to meet others going through similar situations.

Lisa and Jonathan Wickham.

I attended my first Open Path group support meeting last year and had no idea what to expect. I only knew I needed to at least talk to someone else who knew what an IUI was. Open Path (fertilityandadoption.com) is a Bay Area organization that provides regular group support. There I met two amazing women and we are now a larger group of women who meet regularly and support each other over email, coffee and even cocktails in between cycling. We are a Sisterhood of Infertility. We all have different stories whether doing IUIs, IVF, using donor eggs, considering a gestational carrier or considering adoption. We have different personalities, some are quiet, some are loud, some blog their innermost thoughts to the online world (google “Stirrup Queens”), some are “closeted” with their infertility secret to all but a few. But our common thread is infertility. We all wear the red, pomegranate string around our wrists as a reminder that we are not alone (you can google “infertility’s common thread” to read more about this). We support each other when we are down and we celebrate our victories (small and large) together. While most of us could not find it in ourselves to feel happiness for friends we had known all our lives that got pregnant, we were able to give loud cheers of joy when one our IF Sisters did. This was healing beyond words. And this gives us hope.

I’ve heard the statistics about Mind/Body and group support increasing pregnancy success odds, but, for me, even more important than getting pregnant, was the peace of mind that came.

My hope is that my story can, in some way, help bring peace of mind to someone else as they navigate their own path. You are not alone. You do not have to do this alone. And there are concrete ways you can make yourself feel significantly better while undergoing treatment.

Try these resources for more information:

• Mind/Body @ PFC – pacificfertilitycenter.com/support/relax_workshop
• Open Path – fertilityandadoption.com
• Resolve – resolve.org
• Resolve support group listings: http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=npac_peer_groups

— Lisa Wickham, Current PFC Patient, San Francisco, CA

Steve and I met and fell in love in our twenties. We both thought we would want children “some day.” Eleven years later we realized “some day” had finally arrived. I was thirty-six then, but I never thought we would have any problems conceiving. My mom had three children in her late thirties and into her forties.

After six months with no success, my doctor ran the usual tests and found nothing wrong, so my OB recommended going to PFC. We did one IUI, then decided to move on to IVF. My first IVF cycle failed. We were preparing for the second when we were delighted to findout I was pregnant naturally. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

We wanted more children, and as it had taken two and a half years to conceive Alan, we decided to start trying again straight away. We weren’t so lucky this time, so after 18 months we were back at PFC talking to Dr. Givens about doing IVF again. Then we discovered a new problem – my FSH was now elevated. So, now I also had decreased ovarian reserve in addition to unexplained infertility.

We tried four cycles of IVF with my own eggs. I did get pregnant on my third cycle, but sadly miscarried at eleven weeks. I was now forty-two and felt it was time to move on.

Now we faced decision time-do we give up, move on to donor egg, or move to adoption? We were both sure we wanted more children, and I felt that by carrying the child I would feel that it was truly mine, even if I didn’t have the biological connection. Oddly enough, it was harder for Steve to move on to an egg donor. But after lots of talking it through, he felt it was the best choice for our family too.

We met with Peggy the PFC counselor, who was very helpful. Dr. Givens thought an egg donor was a great option for us. She said that with a transfer of two blastocysts, our chances of conceiving were about 80%. We ended up with a short list of two potential donors. One was a perfect match on paper—my height, my hair color, my eye color, with the right ethnic background. The second wasn’t such a perfect match, but I just felt a really strong connection to her. I really felt that if we met in real life we would be friends. In my mind I kept going back to something Peggy had said “pick someone you really like”, it was great advice. We went with donor number two, and are very happy with our choice.

Initially everything went well, but then on day three we received a phone call asking us to come in. Our embryos were looking very stressed. Most were grade three with low cell count. We transferred the best three and prayed.

On the day of our beta pregnancy test, Ann (one of the nurses at PFC) called to give us the good news. I was pregnant! Once we saw the heartbeats, we told our son Alan, “Mommy has two babies growing in her tummy,” and he was thrilled. Feeling those babies kicking and squirming around inside, I had no doubt whose babies they were—I might not have provided the eggs, but my body turned those little seven or eight celled embryos into two beautiful children.

The first day Alan got to meet his new brother and sister the look on his face said it all. It was love at first sight. He has made a wonderful big brother, the twins adore him, and our family now feels complete. I feel truly lucky when I look at my three wonderful children. I am very grateful to Dr. Givens and all the wonderful staff at PFC, and especially to our donor.

Some people may wonder, if I love all of my children the same. They have three very different personalities, so I love them all differently; but I do love each one as much as the other. In the words of one of our favorite books, they are “all my favorites.”

—Submitted by Trisha (PFC patient)

Being a single gay dad certainly suggests that I didn’t get pregnant accidentally; my journey into parenting has been a long and deliberate one. Having my 6 month old son and daughter staring up at me all day reminds me that I really did want to do this 25 years ago, but being 50 still does not feel too late. They say it takes a village to raise a child. In my case it took a village to create a child. Thanks to a loving gestational surrogate, and longtime friends as both egg and sperm donors, my dream of parenting has come true.

A difficult pregnancy with many complications somehow made it to 36 weeks and 5 days with Ella weighing 5 lbs 12 ounces and Armstrong (Ari) weighing 5 lbs 11 ounces. Amazingly, at 6 months, they are 19 lbs each and have been sleeping 11 hours a night since week 13. For those of you who are soon to be parents, you will find that’s pretty remarkable. Having hardy and healthy babies is such a blessing. I am forever indebted to Pacific Fertility Center, and Dr. Isabelle Ryan, for their essential roles in helping me achieve parenthood and having a healthy family.

Choosing PFC was not initially an easy decision. It took accessing the CDC nationwide fertility clinic website and comparing the data from clinic to clinic to make me feel confident about picking up the phone and scheduling a first meeting. I really analyzed the data from the clinics carefully, as I was interested in high success rates achieved with high total numbers of embryo transplants.

I had also heard about specific experiences that gay men had had with other local clinics that were less than heartwarming. As an HIV-positive individual, even though I was opting to not undergo sperm-washing to utilize my own genetic material, I did want a compassionate and professional environment in which to pursue my parenting dream.

To be perfectly honest, I had been told by other parents that PFC took a “conservative” approach to achieving pregnancy. Conservative is a term that can be interpreted in many ways. For leftist liberals, like myself, it can somehow seem like a dirty word. However, I have a newfound appreciation for the term. My first surrogate was a lovely married woman with 2 children. She had been a gestational surrogate for a San Francisco couple 2 years prior. They had worked with another local fertility clinic and she got pregnant, rather quickly, with twins. She carried to week 28 and the babies were each under 3 lbs and fortunately survived. I was excited to proceed with her, as we got along splendidly and my priority was finding someone who had her own family and had previous surrogacy experience. PFC screened her and immediately determined that she had an “incompetent cervix”. I had no idea what that meant, though it seemed like the two most incongruous words to ever be placed back to back. Well, an incompetent cervix is a serious matter! I’m supposing that this was not previously diagnosed and was likely the cause of her prior preterm labor and delivery. PFC’s screening saved me a lot of heartache, money and time. I should say that 3 times in a row, to really give it the weight it deserves. I don’t think many people arrive at fertility clinics devoid of heartache, so having a clinician save you from avoidable disaster is an enormous gift.

Having now gone through a twin pregnancy, I more fully understand the roller-coaster process of which I was forewarned. Proceeding with a less than perfect surrogate would have been a tragedy. The second surrogate I found had actually conceived via PFC twice before and would have been a great surromom; but her insurance no longer covered surrogacy. I’m still in constant touch with her and she has nothing but great things to say about her experiences with PFC.

It would be easy for me to find the heart-space to simply rave about PFC. After all, I have the reward of two healthy babies to serve as living proof. For others considering parenting through assisted reproductive technology, there is so much more about my process that is crucial to know. I was insistent, from the get-go, about wanting twins. I had several discussions with Dr. Ryan about the risks that came with carrying multiples. Yes, I’d heard from many people that being a single dad with twins was going to be a “handful”, but the potential clinical complications and risks were not something I’d widely considered. I was 48 years old and didn’t want to go through the process over the course of several years and really wanted at least 2 kids.

Again, if a “conservative” approach is what I got from PFC, the counsel was so very right. My surrogate had previously carried twins and we were both confident that all would go well. We never imagined the complications that did arise during each trimester. It was a very difficult pregnancy. Even with a vaginal delivery, the recovery was tougher than I wish to describe herein. Everything I’d been told by PFC was absolutely accurate. Knowing what I know now, I would say that I, while not at all cavalier, was filled with excitement and anticipation that had me driving full speed through a string of yellow lights. Trust me; I drive now more carefully with twins on board.

Not a day goes by without my being awestruck by the wonder of my children. I have to say that, so far, this has not been a daunting experience. Maybe I have easy babies. Maybe being highly organized has provided them with the structure and consistency that I was told was essential to parental sanity. I’m not sure what it takes to be a great dad, but certainly the desire to parent was a good start towards just being a good dad. Certainly, being 50 has made me a bit more patient and knowledgeable than I might have been as a 20 or 25 year old dad. Being 50 also makes me appreciate having gotten pregnant on the first embryo transfer. At the time, every passing month was just another month of living without the children I knew I was going to have. It seemed like lost time. I heard the clock ticking; I felt the pangs of desire growing.

As crazy as it may sound, hardly a day goes by without my thinking about going back to PFC, thawing my remaining embryos and giving it another go. Through all the obstacles, PFC gave me a sense of direction, a grasp of the reality that I faced and clear information with which to proceed. Perhaps the confidence that I felt in PFC’s expertise has given me a residual optimism that makes me feel willing to try again. For the moment, Armstrong and Ella find each other in sufficient and good company; but I’d be willing to consider a special unanimous request from the two of them for another sibling. But, maybe just an old-fashioned singleton next time!

—Submitted by Gedalia (G’dali) Braverman,
Dad to Armstrong and Ella who were born November 19, 2008

As a lesbian couple, we were aware that getting pregnant might be a challenge and might require medical intervention, but decided to try at home anyway.  Since Jean is older it made sense for her to carry first.  In 2002, we began the process of trying to conceive with our known donor.  We had a few challenges to overcome. Our donor was from out of state and we had to use a shipping kit designed by University of Chicago Andrology Lab to maintain the viability of the sperm.  We hired a midwife to come to our home, clean the semen sample and do the insemination.  In 2004, after two years of trying and many dollars spent, it became apparent that we were not going to be successful on our own.

We spoke to our OB/GYN who recommended that we work with a fertility specialist.  On a recommendation from a Pacific Fertility Center staff counselor, Peggy Orlin, we contacted Dr. Eldon Schriock at PFC.  Though the initial paperwork and set up seemed daunting, we were able to complete the required items quickly and were ready to start fertility treatment with Dr. Schriock in March 2005.  Jean was set to do the “Clomid challenge” test on our first attempt.  With new FDA regulations looming in May 2005, we felt we had limited time to get Jean pregnant with our current donor so the pressure was on.  Although the PFC staff was not initially familiar with our shipping kit, they were more than willing to work with it and help us with the logistics.  Jean had a fortunate experience with Clomid and on April 15, 2005 with 3 good follicles we completed our first IUI with PFC.  Two weeks and 3 positive pregnancy tests later, we confirmed that we were in fact going to have a baby.  It was hard to believe that after so many years and tries it was actually happening.  Now 3 years later we have a beautiful and fun two year old girl named Logan.

When Logan was 5 months old, there was an accident in my family that gave us pause.  We realized life is short and you never know what is in store for you around the next corner .We decided to begin the process of trying to get Marni pregnant. In May 2006 we made the decision that we would begin the process at home, but needless to say, we were unsuccessful. After 6 months we would again meet with Dr. Schriock and his fabulous team of nurses and doctors.    Because of our history with PFC, we were able to quickly begin the process and get started trying to achieve pregnancy at PFC.

With the new FDA regulations now in place we had a host of new hoops to jump through. Once we cleared the list of hurdles, we began our attempt to get Marni pregnant.  After many different fertility treatments (Clomid, Letrazole, and Follistim), three different PFC doctors (Dr. Schriock, Dr. Ryan and Dr. Givens) all suggested that if we were committed to our donor then we should seriously think about IVF as an option because of the quality of his frozen/thawed sperm.  In October 2007 we began the IVF process.  Though there was a lot to manage and keep track of (when to give shots, appointments, blood tests, etc.) we never felt alone.  The PFC doctors, nurses and staff were always available for a phone conference to answer any questions or concerns.  In late November 2007 we completed IVF – the egg retrieval and embryo transfer process.  Four embryos were implanted out of the seven that fertilized.  In December 2007, two weeks later, we received the positive blood test result and were ecstatic.  Unfortunately, within days of the positive pregnancy result it became clear that this was not going to be a viable pregnancy.  Marni had apparently been pregnant with twins. She miscarried the first embryo and had to undergo not only the abortion pill, but a subsequent D&C to remove the second gestational sac.  Dr. Schriock and all of the staff, nurses and other doctors were available for emotional support and medical guidance throughout the process.

We completed our second egg retrieval and awaited the fertilization results.  Our hopes were high but we were realistic and knew that anything could happen. As it turned out, Marni’s second round of IVF was unsuccessful. Though the quality of embryos was better than in the first cycle, she did not get pregnant.  We had a few conversations with Dr. Schriock and determined that if she were to continue trying to get pregnant, it would take an ovum donor and a lot of money.  We decided to have Jean try again, because we wanted to be pragmatic and realistic and keep the goal of adding to our family in mind.  Jean is currently under Dr. Schriock’s care and last week she completed a course of Clomid and an IUI.  We are now in the waiting period and are hopeful for a positive result.

Our experience with PFC, Dr. Schriock and all the other staff has been great.  We had a few bumps along the way but the doctors, nurses, office manager and staff responded quickly and effectively.  We always felt at ease to express concerns and ask questions.  Everyone we encountered at PFC has a good understanding of how emotional this process can be and has always been empathetic in their dealings with us.  We never felt uncomfortable as a lesbian couple.  We would absolutely recommend PFC for their cutting edge technology, knowledge and exceptional care during this highly emotional event.

Best Regards,
Marni & Jean

I had been trying to get pregnant for six months and didn’t want to wait any longer. In the past, my husband had gone through chemotherapy, but when we decided to begin our family, we never contemplated that his medical history would make conceiving a challenge.

Once we were ready to take the next step, our urologist recommended Pacific Fertility Center. Patients he referred to PFC had been successful, so we were very hopeful that they might be able to help us. We lived a distance from the center and had to make the 6-hour drive each way for treatments. We were determined to get the best care available.

Our cycle began way back in August of 2005. Initially we worked with Dr. Paul Turek, an urologist from UCSF in conjunction with PFC in cases like ours. He performed testicular mapping, looking for pockets of live sperm. Since only one pocket was found, Dr. Turek recommended my husband undergo FSH injections 3 months prior to our cycle, to increase sperm production. Fortunately, this experimental protocol worked better than expected and we were able to avoid invasive surgical removal of sperm. It only takes one good sperm to fertilize an egg and he was able to find more than enough.

In order to get my eggs to fertilize with my husband’s sperm, I went through IVF including FSH injections. The needles intimidated me, but I was able to get past that fear. Everything turned out OK and I made it through the procedure really well. During my retrieval they collected 20 eggs.

As it turns out, after fertilization with ICSI, we had 8 grade 1 and 2 embryos. Three of the embryos were transferred and the other five were frozen. To my pleasure, I became pregnant with a single baby girl. This was an amazing experience, especially considering the odds were not hugely in our favor. Once we got the good news, we were in an elated state of shock – we had been through a lot and finding out we were finally pregnant was wonderful news! I had an extremely easy and natural birth in May of the following year.

All in all the experience was quite a whirlwind; my husband and I had a lot of ups and downs. The assumption we had when we first decided to try to get pregnant was it would be natural and uncomplicated. However, learning we had an infertility problem was a devastating experience. What empowered my husband and me was that we started doing research about our problem. The more we learned, the more comfortable and less intimidated we felt. I would highly recommend this. In retrospect, the biggest ups and downs were when we got the reports on the good or the poor sperm samples. When they found sperm they could use, we could hardly contain our excitement.

I appreciate the care Dr. Isabelle Ryan provided. I liked her a lot and I have heard nothing but good things about all the PFC doctors. Dr. Ryan knows what she’s doing and was able to explain all the options available to us. Joe Conaghan, the lab director, was spectacular. He was able to find sperm in a sample that our local doctors could not. Being from a rural area, we didn’t have local access to PFC’s level of care and state-of-the-art technology. I absolutely trust PFC and have recommended them to others. If we decide to have another child, we will definitely come back. We love our little baby girl so much and every day is a new adventure. We can’t imagine our lives without her!

Susie & Steven D.

Our journey to parenthood is one we’ll never forget. Just a few years ago, we were both working professionals during the hey-day of the Silicon Valley. Fast-forward to today. Our work lives remain busy, albeit the settings have changed. We’ve said “so long” to the corporate life and “hello” to the entrepreneurial world and life as parents of four. We owe all the changes to parenthood, and frankly, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

We were married in 1992 and, at the time, were very much intensively focused on our dual career tracks so family building was simply not a big priority. Someday, if we were going to be parents, we wanted to have both adopted and biological children. We would have a nanny and a housekeeper to make sure things ran smoothly. However, we could see life without children very easily. However, in the late 1990s, we decided we wanted to be parents. We tried on and off for a couple of years, working around our work/travel schedules, but being fairly serious about the effort.

December of 2001 saw us going to India for a family wedding and as we were traveling a lot, we decided to look into adoption and visit several orphanages. At our first one, we had a very emotional time and left knowing that we wanted to be parents and that something would be missing for us if we did not follow that path. We came back and threw all the balls in the air, starting the adoption process and being “very serious” about trying to get pregnant.

The adoption route went much faster than we anticipated. Just two months after starting the process, we were able to get foster custody of Samir who was 10 weeks old at the time. Four months later, we adopted Samir (now 4.5) from Sisters of Charity, a Catholic orphanage near Bangalore, India. When we set out to be parents this time, we were not kidding around any more!

The biological route wasn’t as simple. We tried for several months but to no avail. Initially, we attributed this to stress. After all, with Samir we were embarking on parenthood for the first time. Sridhar started consulting. We also had to move out of our new home so the builder could address some major issues. We seriously tried to get pregnant for about 6 months and then decided to seek help.

We first learned about Pacific Fertility Center through a friend who referred us to Dr. Carl Herbert. We were impressed with his compassion and appreciated his candor. He didn’t pull any punches or provide false hope, which proved refreshing and uplifting. Dr. Herbert told us during our consultations that, regardless of the outcome of our infertility treatments, “we were going home to Samir” and that took a lot of the pressure off. Dr. Herbert was just one of many caring medical professionals that we dealt with along the way. We had glowing encounters with Dr. Chenette, also from the Pacific Fertility Center, as well as Dr. Laurie Green, Gina’s OBGYN at CPMC. They made us feel like individuals, not a number.

Our infertility treatment began with IUI cycles and Clomid which were unsuccessful. We did some basic testing but there were no explanations as to why we were not conceiving. Dr. Herbert suggested that we could try an IVF cycle, as it would address a number of factors, rather than do further testing. We decided to go for it and had success on the first try! Of the four embryos that were transferred, two implanted. Those two embryos resulted in our twins, Sanjeev and Serena, now 2.75 years old. One would think we were done, but we didn’t stop there. In Feb 2006 we adopted our fourth child, Sophia (1) from the same orphanage that we adopted Samir. We love them all equally and cherish every stage of their development.

It’s amazing how quickly things have changed for us. We went from two corporate professionals with our hands full with meetings, presentations, and reports to two parents with our hands full with diapers, toys, and baby clothes. Our vocabulary has changed as well. The corporate jargon now has to make room for occasional baby talk. (When speaking to our children, of course.)

The joys of having children cannot be understated. Whether it’s “soaping up” our kids in the bathtub or reading a bed time story, the little moments are precious. They seem to grow so fast, in every way that it is hard for us to keep up with the changes, so we try to enjoy the moments as they come.

This isn’t to suggest that life outside of parenthood is mundane. Work is as hectic as ever…but it is quite different. We no longer strive to climb the corporate ladder. I (Gina) stepped off it to stay at home and raise our children. I (Sridhar) did a complete 180 and am now the head of my own consulting practice. The beauty with this career move is the flexibility it affords in terms of raising the kids, which, as you can imagine, keeps us plenty busy.

– Gina and Sridhar

For my husband Matthew and me, hard work had always paid off. We had led successful professional careers, thanks to our diligence and work ethic. We approached having a child the same way but, to our dismay, we were unable to conceive for over two years. When it came to finding a fertility solution, I had been pretty resistant to assisted reproductive technology (ART). I’m a firm believer in natural approaches such as herbs and acupuncture and favored them as a pregnancy solution as opposed to medical intervention. Yet, we were running out of options. I was going to turn 40 years old. Time wasn’t on our side.

Overcoming infertility was an emotionally draining ordeal for my husband and me. Thankfully, we weren’t in it alone. Friends and family were very understanding of our plight. In fact, my brother and his wife were also trying to become parents. However, with some friends who had children, it was difficult to convey the physical and emotional challenges we were going through. After all, parents who hadn’t experienced delays in conceiving couldn’t relate to our journey. We were happy for our friends who had children but did wonder to ourselves, “Why weren’t we yet blessed with a child?”

Ultimately, my husband and I decided to pursue ART.  My OB/GYN encouraged me to contact Dr. Givens at Pacific Fertility Center (PFC). We were anxious, hopeful, and curious about the opportunities available to us at PFC. At the same time, we knew we were going to be in for an emotional roller coaster. Dr. Givens was fabulous. She was straightforward and medically professional in her approach. She was also compassionate about our endless array of questions and emotional highs and lows.

Although there was initial disappointment after two unsuccessful IUI attempts, it was short-lived. After just six short months, we moved on to IVF, and became pregnant on our first try. We were happy with this news but tempered our enthusiasm, as we weren’t sure if the baby would make it through the first trimester. Our happiness turned into pure elation after the amniocentesis, as we then knew for sure that our baby was healthy.

I can’t say enough about the caring and responsive team at PFC. From the administrative support staff, to the financial/accounting staff, to the training crew, to the nurses, to the doctors, everyone took great care in addressing our individual concerns. I also sought Dr. Givens’ attention in asking her to put me in touch with a patient who had successfully conceived through ART. I was in constant contact with this patient throughout my cycles and her insight was invaluable. She helped me understand the journey to pregnancy and gave me emotional support.

We are now huge advocates of ART – especially for couples who have tried for some time to get pregnant. Nevertheless, I do feel that the holistic approach of taking herbs and acupuncture was helpful in preparing my body for pregnancy. Our advice to those trying to conceive is to seek advice/treatment from PFC, work with the staff to learn what the medical reality is for you and/or your partner, and then move forward. I also think it would be helpful for couples to speak directly with other couples who have pursued infertility treatment, so that they know they are not alone.

The journey to pregnancy has made us realize that we must be collaborative and supportive of each other’s feelings. If I could give some additional advice to couples and individuals dealing with infertility, it would be to have open and honest communication with your partner, friends and family. This can be very cathartic.

Today, we feel that we are prepared to be the best parents ever. We want to create the most loving and supportive atmosphere possible for the child we are expecting, regardless of how difficult being a new parent might be. Certainly parenthood won’t be easy but the joy we’ll experience as parents will more than make up for it. The baby is due in mid-March, and, as you can imagine, we feel blessed and elated!

– Felicia (Names were changed at the author’s request.)

Postscript: Matthew and Felicia have a new member to their family. On March 6, 2006 Felicia gave birth to a happy, healthy Baby Maria. Congratulations!

I can remember the day I decided to make the phone call to PFC to inquire about becoming an Egg Donor. I was so excited at the idea of “making some money”. Though, it took me about a month to work up the courage to complete the application and return it with my pictures. I kept thinking who would want to receive my eggs? Maybe I was too short or too blonde? I was also worried about who would see my pictures/profile and if they would recognize me or know someone in my family. It was not until I heard a story about a couple who was having a hard time trying to conceive their first child. Their story broke my heart, because I had always assumed that getting pregnant and carrying a child to term was supposed to be easy. After their story, I knew that I needed to do something besides “making some money.” Instantly I spoke with my family and asked for their support and then returned my completed application.

It was only a few weeks later that I heard from a PFC Egg Donor Coordinator, Bridgett. I thought how lucky I am to be “chosen” by this couple! Bridgett was so professional and took care of all the details for my initial process. I soon realized what a bigger issue this was when I met the first recipient couple. They were just as anxious as I was about the experience, but when they told me their story something bonded between us and by the end of the meeting, I knew there was a greater reason for why I was donating my eggs. I saw how much it meant to them and I was surprised by how much it affected me. I walked out of the meeting knowing something wonderful was going to happen and I was lucky to be apart of that process with them.

Before the first recipients selected me, I thought that PFC worked only for the benefit of the parties wanting to get pregnant. It was only after my first cycle donation, that I realized how much I received from the experience. The experience changed how I looked on life and how precious the gift of life is. All I could think about was how I “flushed” away my eggs every month because I was not ready to start a family of my own and how precious those eggs are for some people. Words cannot describe how amazing it felt to help others, with something that seemed so small and was ‘flushed’ away.

In the beginning, I was full of mixed emotions. I was very excited to meet the PFC staff and start my first cycle. Yet, I was nervous about the process and how it would affect my day-to-day life. But every member of PFC was kind and professional, and put me immediately at a sense of ease. Since I was apprehensive about needles, I had decided I would administer all of the shots, except the HCG shot, to myself and found that it was an easy experience. The medications were gentle on my body and the side effects were very minimal. There were no outward indications that I was going through the process, the worst side effect was minor bloating towards the end of the cycle.

At every appointment, the entire staff was amazing and so supportive. I had decided to take my mother with me for support for the last appointment and retrieval, when we left the procedure she turned to me and said she was so proud at what I was doing and wished that she had done something similar. It was then that I felt I was making a difference in the world. The actual retrieval was so easy; I think the worst part of the process was having an IV inserted in my hand. The best part was the Retrieval Nursing Staff, Ann, Olga and Carol; they made me feel like I was so special. The way they treated me made me feel like I was a part of a unique club. I knew that I wanted to do more after that first cycle. With each cycle, the process seemed easier. The staff began to remember me and always made a point to remind me how appreciative they were for my donations.

It was just a few months ago that I finished my last cycle (6th), and I was full of mixed emotions when I left the final retrieval. On one hand I was excited that I could help another couple. But on the other, I was sad because it would be the last time I donated and the last time I would see the staff at PFC. Throughout all six of my cycles, I had the privilege to get to know the staff and Doctors at PFC. I would recommend PFC to anyone in need of their services or wanting to become an egg donor. The staff is the most remarkable group of individuals. Their professionalism exceeds what you would expect to receive. They change lives and make dreams come true for everyone involved!

Donating your eggs requires you and your family to be selfless and unconditionally giving of yourself. You must not connect with the idea of a child in the world with your features, rather you must see it as a gift you have given a deserving couple. To be an egg donor was an honor that I will always hold in my heart. The feeling you get from helping others is more of a reward than you will ever realize.

– Donor remains anonymous

So often I hear or read about what a mistake it is to postpone having children. As if for all of us this is a conscious choice. I wasn’t waiting until the perfect career moment, or until I achieved some lofty goal. I was waiting for a committed mate with whom to start a family. So at 39, my husband and I began what would become, in total, a six-year infertility odyssey.

I was not naïve going into this. I was, in fact, planning for a difficult time. I expected to chart my cycles, which would of course be unsuccessful, for six months, and, armed with all this useful data, insist on a referral to a fertility specialist. Imagine our surprise when I became pregnant on our first try. The pregnancy ended at around 10 weeks, when we went for our first ultrasound and was told there was no heartbeat. In a testament to denial and hope, and despite my initial pessimism and the dismal statistics for my age group, I never truly believed I would miscarry.

My emotional recovery from my first loss was complicated by a difficult physical recovery. Nonetheless, a few months later I was pregnant again, only to miscarry at six weeks. I was distressed and angry, resentful of every pregnant belly I’d pass on the street, feeling sabotaged by my own body. The wait just to get an appointment with the fertility specialist within my health plan was six months, so we anxiously turned to PFC, knowing that every cycle was a precious commodity.

We launched in with Dr. Ryan, taking every reasonable test, only to find that things looked pretty good and this was simply going to be luck of the draw. After several trying months of unexpected delays and barriers, we upped our odds with injectables and conceived our amazing daughter, Hannah. I remember that my first thought, after the nine days of shots, the trips to the City for ultrasounds, the anxious OPK readings, and the agonizing two-week wait, was that it had been ridiculously easy. That was five years ago. We have a son on the way now. I can feel him squirming around in there, poking at my bladder as I write this. We suffered many losses and deep disappointments to get to this point, and I have three sharps containers full of needles to prove it.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for women who breeze through conception and pregnancy, but I know I have benefited from the difficulty of my experience. I have gained a profound sense of wonderment about the entire miracle of pregnancy. I have an appreciation for the life I’ve brought into this world, and the one on its way, that I could never have found with any other path. I have developed a depth of sensitivity for those struggling to do what comes so easily to others that has enabled me to support them in a way I could never otherwise have done.

Maybe this isn’t the course I would have chosen, given the option, and there are some wounds that never heal, but after six long years, we are finally at a point where we can breathe. We can put the exhausting cycle of hope and grief behind us. Like us, anyone who has come out the other side of infertility gains a sense of their strength, endurance and resolve. And anyone who has found their way through infertility, whatever their path, knows the almost overwhelming sense of relief we feel down to our bones, every single day.

– Lauren

I was a culinary student looking on the Internet for a part time job to help pay for tuition when I stumbled on the possibility of donating my eggs. I liked the idea of being able to help someone else while helping myself. The center was conveniently located and I could still work during the process. It seemed like a win-win situation.

It took me a while to think it through. I came to realize that there were a lot of people who needed this kind of help. After a while, I talked it through with some of my friends and discussed it with my mother. She was very supportive and helped me fill in the family medical history part of the application.

My first experience with Pacific Fertility Center was positive. I was struck by how welcoming they were. I was very curious to discover more about the whole process and they were happy to answer all my questions and to be sure I understood what I was agreeing to do.

Once I was selected as a donor, I learned how to give myself shots. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it might be. (That part never really bothered me.) The doctors and the nurses were always ready to answer questions as they came up. After donating a few times, I think I met every one of them.

The actual cycles were easy for me except for occasional periods of grumpiness. I was able to maintain my work/class schedule. They really tried to work around my schedule and make it as easy as possible for me. I loved how friendly everyone was. I became friends with the nurses. We were on a first name basis. They were always asking me about my work and if I ran into them outside of work, we would stop and talk.

The best part of being a donor was receiving the thank you notes and flowers. You realize how important your contribution is for people who can’t get pregnant using their own eggs. It felt great to discover that 5 out of 6 got pregnant with my eggs. I really feel like I was able to make a difference in someone’s life. I would definitely recommend becoming an egg donor to others.

After donating the maximum number of cycles, I have now “graduated” from Pacific Fertility Center’s Egg Donor Agency. I miss the friends I made at the center, but am happy to report I am pregnant and starting a family of my own.

– Donor remains anonymous