Spring, a time for celebrating Mothers and Fathers, can be a particularly difficult time for infertility patients. Because dealing with these two holidays can be a challenge, I have some suggestions for ways to develop some good coping skills. To cope is to “develop the ability to manage in a difficult situation.”

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Give up any and all feelings of guilt for how you are feeling! There is no right or wrong way to experience Mother or Father’s Day.
2. Know your limits and stick with them. If attending a family gathering is too painful, then don’t. You can still write a caring letter to your parent letting them know how you feel about them. If you do feel comfortable attending a family gathering, then do.
3. Plan to do something that is unrelated to parenting.
4. Attend religious services if you are comfortable knowing that the focus may be on mother’s or fathers. Perhaps you can ask your religious leader to say a prayer for those who have not yet achieved parenthood or are dealing with some other sort of crisis.
5. Plan for how you will answer uninvited questions about how you are feeling. Remember, you are not required to tell them your entire “story!”
6. Communicate with your partner to let him/her know of your feelings. Even if you and your partner are feeling differently about Mother’s or Father’s Day, it may help to share. If you are single, call a friend with whom you feel safe to share your feelings.
7. If you think it might be helpful, please call the clinic and set up an appointment with me, at no charge. Our number is 415-834-3000.

– Peggy Orlin, MS, MFT

My husband and I have been riding the infertility roller coaster for almost 3 years now. The ups and downs have included invasive diagnostic testing, four failed intrauterine inseminations (IUIs) and most recently an unsuccessful in-vitro fertilization (IVF) attempt. Each wave of excitement over the hope brought on by the next treatment cycle would come crashing back down with the negative news. While I am confident I am receiving the best possible medical care with the team at PFC and am keeping “hope frozen in time” with my frozen embryos, it can still be a hard road to travel.

Considering my first attempt at IVF failed, you would think I would be at the lowest point of my journey towards parenthood. But, amazingly, I am not. I am sharing my story to tell you how I survived the ups and downs and was able to feel more grounded and

Lisa Wickham.

regained a sense of control in my life while continuing treatment.

This is what saved me: A powerful combination of group support and mind/body techniques.

My PFC acupuncturist (seeing tears stream down my face) recommended a Mind/Body class to help ease my obvious difficulty in coping with the emotional stress I was under. This was huge. This was the first step I would take in reclaiming my 0ormer self. What are Mind/ Body techniques? They are tools including deep breathing, meditation, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, cognitive reframing, light yoga, tai chi and journaling exercises. My first thought was, “Will this be too ‘new age-y’ for me?” I could barely comprehend the fact that I was doing acupuncture regularly, let alone meditate.

The great thing about Mind/Body is that it is a tool box, so you pick what works for you. I never really did learn to meditate, but the regular use of relaxation CDs for deep breathing, muscle relaxation and guided imagery has given me profound peace of mind. Cognitive reframing (learning to recognize destructive thoughts and “reframe” them) was also powerful for me. I used to hear a tape playing in my head over and over, “I’ll never get pregnant, I’ll never get pregnant”. I learned to challenge the truth of that statement and rethink how it made me feel. A 10-week Mind/Body course I took was a key turning point. PFC offers a one-day workshop that offers an introduction to Mind/Body and is free for patients.

The other key component to my peace of mind has been meeting others who “get it”. It’s hard to explain to someone not experiencing infertility themselves just how this takes over your life. Well-meaning family and friends try to understand, but they truly cannot. Only my best friend, who also experienced difficulty in trying to conceive “got it”. That is, until I did my first IUI. Having to explain washed sperm to her and describe what it’s like to have your legs in stirrups as the washed sperm is inserted into you was beyond depressing. I knew I needed to meet others going through similar situations.

Lisa and Jonathan Wickham.

I attended my first Open Path group support meeting last year and had no idea what to expect. I only knew I needed to at least talk to someone else who knew what an IUI was. Open Path (fertilityandadoption.com) is a Bay Area organization that provides regular group support. There I met two amazing women and we are now a larger group of women who meet regularly and support each other over email, coffee and even cocktails in between cycling. We are a Sisterhood of Infertility. We all have different stories whether doing IUIs, IVF, using donor eggs, considering a gestational carrier or considering adoption. We have different personalities, some are quiet, some are loud, some blog their innermost thoughts to the online world (google “Stirrup Queens”), some are “closeted” with their infertility secret to all but a few. But our common thread is infertility. We all wear the red, pomegranate string around our wrists as a reminder that we are not alone (you can google “infertility’s common thread” to read more about this). We support each other when we are down and we celebrate our victories (small and large) together. While most of us could not find it in ourselves to feel happiness for friends we had known all our lives that got pregnant, we were able to give loud cheers of joy when one our IF Sisters did. This was healing beyond words. And this gives us hope.

I’ve heard the statistics about Mind/Body and group support increasing pregnancy success odds, but, for me, even more important than getting pregnant, was the peace of mind that came.

My hope is that my story can, in some way, help bring peace of mind to someone else as they navigate their own path. You are not alone. You do not have to do this alone. And there are concrete ways you can make yourself feel significantly better while undergoing treatment.

Try these resources for more information:

• Mind/Body @ PFC – pacificfertilitycenter.com/support/relax_workshop
• Open Path – fertilityandadoption.com
• Resolve – resolve.org
• Resolve support group listings: http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=npac_peer_groups

— Lisa Wickham, Current PFC Patient, San Francisco, CA

Stress is no stranger to most of our lives. The everyday, chronic strain of a demanding job, driving in traffic, dealing with relationships, taking care of the chores of life, all leave us feeling “stressed out.” “Does stress cause infertility?” No matter what the answer to the question, it is important to look at ourselves and determine just how stressed we are. We need to then take steps to attempt to reduce the stress. One undisputable fact is that it makes good sense to reduce our stress to the lowest levels possible. At the very least, you will feel better!

To provide you with the opportunity to assess your fertility stress, we have added a Stress Test domar© to our website at www.pacificfertilitycenter.com. Click on “for patients” then “support” then “infertility stress test.” The test is brief and it generates a stress level score with comments. You can take it as frequently as you would like.

The goal of stress reduction is to reach what Harvard physician, Herbert Benson calls the “relaxation response.” It’s like stress running backwards. We can calm our racing minds. We can soften our tense bodies. The relaxation response leads to a series of changes that take place in the body and mind as you calm down. Your heart rate, muscle tension, breathing rate, and oxygen consumption fall below resting levels. Your brain wave patterns become slower. There are many ways to elicit the relaxation response. The goal is to find the one that works for you, meaning that it reduces your stress and you will take the time to practice it!

One way to learn about all of these techniques is to participate in our Mind/Body class. We discuss and practice each of the following methods; progressive muscle relaxation, breathing techniques, yoga, visualization, mindfulness meditation, and journaling. It is a wonderful day where you get to meet others going through treatment, learn some new skills, eat some excellent food and de-stress.

In addition to learning specific techniques to reduce stress, it may also be helpful to consider the following suggestions:

-Give up any and all feelings of guilt for how you are feeling. There is no right or wrong way to experience infertility. Your feelings may run the gamut from indifference to intense anger and despair and everywhere in between.

-Choose the gatherings you attend carefully. If being around children or babies upsets you, gracefully decline invitations to events where they are likely to be present. Know your limits and stick with them.

-Continue to get moderate amounts of exercise. Eat healthy and get plenty of rest. You will feel better if you treat your body with care.

-Communicate with your partner to let him/her know of your feelings. Even if you and your partner are feeling differently it may help to share. If you are single, call a friend with whom you feel safe to share your feelings.

-Meet and talk with others who are experiencing similar feelings. Finding that you are not alone helps.

We offer these stress reduction workshops every quarter. There is no charge for PFC patients to attend. Join us!

In the June 2008 issue of the Fertility Flash, Dr. Isabelle Ryan answered a question on how to choose an egg donor from a medical perspective. This month I’ll focus on the psychological aspects of choosing an agency egg donor. As the Marriage and Family Therapist at Pacific Fertility Center, this is a question I address regularly. All PFC patients considering ovum donation will have a complimentary meeting with me

Choosing an egg donor may seem like a daunting and foreign process. You are undertaking an unfamiliar task that you probably never planned on. But now that you are here, it may help to remember that the gene pool is huge. No matter whose gametes create your offspring; your children will be a magical and unique blend of nature and nurture. DNA is not destiny. Your love, your values, your womb, all have an impact on the person your child will become.

I find the following to be helpful reminders as you move forward with choosing a donor:

• The experience of attachment to a child, the feeling of being in love with him or her, happens regardless of whether one or both parents share the child’s DNA.
• Mothers and fathers are the ones that raise and love a child. Donors are the ones that donated or helped.
• Most donors donate for a complex blend of altruistic and monetary reasons.
• Each of our PFC agency donors has a psychological interview with me. In addition they take a psychological test (PAI); this test assists me in assessing not only their personality, but also their honesty and reliability.
• The more stringent your criteria for choosing a donor, the longer it will take to find her.

So, how in the world do you choose a donor?

I think there is a relatively simple answer to this seemingly complex question.

Choose the donor that jumps off the page at you. Choose the donor whom you like best, resonate with, feel a connection to, are impressed by.

That donor may or may not look exactly like you, but she will be someone you might have chosen as a friend or you could imagine as your daughter.

I believe the goal in choosing an egg donor is to be able to look at your child and either say or think to yourself, “we couldn’t use my DNA, but we chose someone we thought was lovely, interesting, attractive, smart, motivated (add the adjectives of your choice) to be our child’s donor. “

Practically speaking, if you have a partner, it may work best to look at donor profiles separately from him or her. After each of you note your favorites, you should then come together and choose from the selections that you both indicated. This process helps assure you both were able to choose without pressure from your partner.

Finally, please remember there is no “perfect donor,” but that does not mean you won’t be blessed with the “perfect child.”

Every year, several Pacific Fertility Center professionals participate in ASRM’s national meeting. They evaluate the research and share their findings with PFC and Fertility Flash.

Among those attending the conference from PFC were Dr. Philip Chenette and Dr. Isabelle Ryan and Peggy Orlin, MFT. Their reviews cover the following topics: Update #1: Ovarian Stimulation Techniques, Update #2: PGD and Aneuploidy Screening Techniques, Update #3: Egg Freezing, Update #4: Acupuncture, and Update #5: Men and ART.

Update #5 Men and ART

The Mental Health Professional Group (MHPG) course entitled Men and ART: The Missing Voice, blended medical, psychological, ethical and legal information relating to men who participate in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART).

The legal issues confronting single men and gay men considering the use of egg donors and gestational surrogates continue to be controversial. Adoption legislation in many states prohibits gays and lesbians from adopting. In a study reported in 2005 by Gurmankin, et. al, 44% of ART programs responded that they would not turn away gay couples seeking surrogacy with one partner’s sperm and 48% responded that they would turn them away. This is in contrast to the higher rate of acceptance of lesbian couples. In lesbian couples seeking treatment using donor insemination, 82% of ART programs agreed to treat versus 17% who refused to treat them.

Though often presented exclusively to women, men can also benefit from the use of stress reduction strategies and following a healthy life style which includes regular exercise, normal body weight, no smoking or recreational drug use and avoidance of environmental toxins. In addition, the effects of aging and cancer on sperm quality should not be overlooked when men seek reproduction assistance. (See articles on: Sperm Aging: Fertility Flash Feb. 2004, Sperm Fragmentation: Fertility Flash March 2005, Cancer and Infertility: Fertility Flash Oct. 2004).

The psychological component of this course was compelling. Approximately 50% of cases of infertility involve at least some degree of male infertility. Why is it that most infertility references are traditionally directed at women? By definition, Infertility is “…the inability of a woman to conceive after some months (12-24) without contraception, or the inability to carry a pregnancy to term.” (Institute of Medicine and National Research Council, 1989). Ancient biblical references and popular literature focus on women’s infertility – e.g. Sarah and Hannah in the bible, Sylvia Plath’s Barren Woman, Jane Smiley’s 1000 Acres. The list is long. Google hits by gender for infertility and psychology show 542,000 for men and 700,000 for women.

The cause of this discrepancy is multifaceted. There are fewer psychological studies on men simply because men have a lower study response rate than women. A variety of successful techniques have been developed to overcome male related medical issues. Additionally, most men spend less time in treatment and experience fewer invasive procedures than women. In general, it is more socially acceptable for women to express their feelings regarding infertility. The opposite is true for men whose fertility often is a taboo topic. Furthermore, some cultures protect their men from the unacceptable stigma of infertility and even falsely describe men as having “poor” coping skills.

Despite these discrepancies, men do have feelings about infertility and may need support and assistance to better cope with the diagnosis. A study by Mason MC in 1993 found that men felt guilt, shame, anger, isolation, loss and a personal sense of failure. This is not all that different from what women feel, but each individual’s coping mechanism is unique. We all, however, find ways to protect ourselves from what we perceive as painful information.

These coping skills can be divided along gender lines. There are ways that many, but certainly not all, men commonly protect themselves from the pain related to his or his partner’s infertility diagnosis. Frequently men are able to distance themselves from the feelings. They appear to have the ability to take painful information and put it in a little box that they then file away in the back of their minds. The box stays tightly shut. Other men want to problem-solve for their partner or avoid the topic completely, throwing themselves into work or hobbies. Some men become extremely optimistic to avoid or counter their partner’s pessimism.

These are different styles- not right or wrong. For many of us, particularly women, the closed box technique does not work. The box is opened often, and feelings appear to refuse to stay tucked away. When partners have different coping styles, it’s important to both learn to tolerate and support these differences. Sometimes that is easier said than done…

Peggy Orlin, MFT

As a patient undergoing fertility treatment, the many months of testing, uncertainty and waiting had begun to take its toll. Dividing my life into two week increments no longer had the same hope and anticipation that defined my first few months of trying to conceive. Seemingly harmless questions from friends and relatives, like “So…any good news to report?” had become annoying questions that received a snappy response.

Attending the Mind/Body workshop was a valuable experience on many levels. We began the day with a tasty breakfast and coffee while we introduced ourselves and spoke briefly about our own experiences trying to conceive. PFC instructors Peggy and Allison presented the research on the stress/infertility connection, and spoke about the isolating nature of infertility. Because the topic of infertility is not openly discussed in social situations, the person or couple going through treatment often lacks social support.

Next, we were introduced to relaxation techniques, which Allison and Peggy call “Minis” because they are short and easy to incorporate into daily life. We lay on yoga mats in a darkened room and slowly counted our breaths, letting go of the tension in our arms and legs. We were led through some basic tai chi moves, and then ended with a guided relaxation that put me immediately to sleep.

After a delicious lunch the discussion moved to the cognitive distortions that frequently emerge during stressful periods and cause people to magnify their problems. Peggy and Allison led us through some cognitive restructuring steps, which can help identify a true thought versus a magnified and distorted fear.

Questioning negative thought patterns is a difficult but extremely helpful way to take some of the blame off of myself and ease the level of stress I was feeling. Hearing that others had the exact same thought patterns as I did was also extremely reassuring and made me feel as though I was not alone in my challenging journey.

The next part of the day was my favorite. We learned a variety of yoga postures that can easily be done in a desk chair or in front of a computer. My co-workers may think I look funny, but I have been contorting myself at my desk ever since, and found that it truly does relieve the physical stress of staring at a computer all day, and provides me with a nice mental break before I start a new task.

After another guided relaxation session, which again left me in a deep sleep, we convened as a group to review the day. Peggy asked us to think about what brings us joy, and how we incorporate those things into our lives. As I looked around the room, most people were smiling as they wrote down the things that bring them joy – everything from pets, partners and family to bubble baths, traveling, and good food.

As we finished the day with questions, answers and good-byes I left feeling refreshed from my mini-naps and excited to have some tangible skills to utilize whenever I find myself too stressed to relax. From our very first discussions over breakfast to our final activity, I felt the isolation of my own stressed out perspective melting away. I’m grateful that I attended the Mind/Body workshop, both for the feeling of community and the concrete relaxation skills I came away with.

The Mind/Body Workshop was an invaluable experience. I came away feeling like I had:

• Gained tangible relaxation and yoga skills that I can use in my daily life.
• Decreased feelings of isolation and anxiety.
• Finished the day feeling calm, centered and ready for my journey to parenthood!

Erika Linden

Infertility can cause extreme feelings of stress and isolation. From diagnosis to treatment, the stress of infertility can affect every area of life including marriage, job, and family relationships. Pacific Fertility Center’s Mind/Body Workshop is designed to address the emotional and physical strain caused by infertility treatment and the far-reaching effects it has on one’s life. These workshops are run by Pacific Fertility Center’s Peggy Orlin, MFT and Allison Chamberlain, RN, who were both trained by Alice Domar, PhD, a Harvard Medical School expert and pioneer in the subject of the mind/body connection to fertility. The next Mind/Body Workshop will be held on September 8th. Please call 888-834-3095 for class information, fees and your registration form. This one-day workshop is a loving and supportive environment in which you can gain self-awareness and practice techniques that will give you strength as you travel on your journey.

- Allison Chamberlaine, Mind/Body Instructor and Clinical Coordinator The workshop provides people with a safe space to learn relaxation techniques and to connect with others that know how difficult the infertility experience can be.

- Peggy Orlin, Mind/Body Instructor and Marriage and Family Therapist

In last month’s issue we introduced our readers to Peggy Orlin, MFT, Pacific Fertility Center’s in-house therapist. This month we interviewed her about the key psychological issues affecting individuals and couples experiencing infertility.

What is the most common reason why someone comes to see you at PFC? At Pacific Fertility Center everyone who uses a known or unknown egg or sperm donor or a gestational carrier is required to meet with me. This is mainly an educational session designed to help people think through and discuss the issues involved with using a third party to assist them in building a family. Each meeting is custom tailored to meet the patient’(s) particular needs.

	Use of a third party for reproduction and its impact on a relationship.
	Attachment to a non-genetically related child.
	Disclosure of third party reproduction to family, friends and the child.
	Choice of meeting or not meeting with the donor.
	Use of a family member or friend as the donor.
	Multiple pregnancy (twins or triplets) and its impact on your lives.
	Support services during and after treatment.

What are some of the other reasons people seek your help?
Some patients have had a failed cycle and are having trouble coping with the losses. Other patients have experienced a miscarriage. Both of these scenarios can leave patients feeling bereft and not sure how to move forward. During a session, I can help them understand the grieving process and we can discuss ways that they might ritualize their loss in order to move forward.

The stress of infertility diagnosis and treatment often brings them to me either at the center or in my private practice. It is important to understand that no two people will have exactly the same experience and that infertility can strongly impact those within a committed relationship. A recent diagnosis of infertility, as well as the stress and/or disappointments of treatment, can lead to feelings of isolation and depression. Additionally, people may experience grief over the loss of fertility choices. It is not uncommon that I am the first person, other than their partner, with whom they discuss their feelings about their infertility challenges.

There are those who are at a critical decision point and are seeking help thinking through their reproductive alternatives. This may include deciding whether or not to do one last IVF, move on to egg donation, select an egg donor or complete their family through adoption or childfree living. In the therapy sessions, we discuss and explore the pros and cons of a decision from the unique perspective of their life beliefs and situation.

Others may need help with developing positive coping mechanisms and stress reduction techniques such as setting aside time each day to discuss infertility with their partner, rather than allowing it to be a constant topic of conversation. We may also discuss how they can reduce their isolation possibly by talking with others who are having similar experiences. We may even explore how to include moderate exercise in their schedule to reduce symptoms of depression.

What is your advice to those who are uncertain whether or not they should see a therapist?
For patients at the clinic, one exploratory visit can be helpful. Their doctor can refer them to me for one free session during which we can discuss any concerns they may have and talk together about whether or not seeing a private therapist might be useful for them. They are not signing on for long-term therapy by talking with me. As with stress reduction techniques-it can’t hurt and it might help.

Could you discuss the Mind/Body@PFC Workshop and who might benefit from attending?
The jury is still out on the connection between stress and infertility. Recent studies indicate that there may be a stronger connection between depression and infertility than between anxiety and infertility. The Mind/Body classes not only teach people simple ways to relax, but the small group class gives them the experience of being in a safe environment with others who are all experiencing infertility and know just what it’s like to be going through infertility treatment. This group experience helps to reduce stress and may be helpful to ease mild depression. (Call 888-834-3095 to register or Click here for more information)

How does your private practice differ from your practice at Pacific Fertility Center?
Clients in my private practice tend to be those who are interested in more than one session. Some stay for a few sessions and some want longer-term therapy. Many are couples who are struggling with how differently they are approaching and/or moving toward resolution of their infertility journey. Sometimes clients are self-referred for infertility issues and then as we meet, they chose to move on to other issues in their relationship or their lives. Although I have a specialty with infertility patients, my private practice is with adults experiencing all types of distress.

Depression frequently accompanies infertility. When should someone seek a therapist?
The experience of symptoms of depression which last more than a couple of weeks is an important reason to set up an appointment with me or a therapist of your choosing. Remember, everyone will feel some of these symptoms, some of the time. They become a problem when the number and intensity of symptoms increase and/or don’t abate.

Symptoms of depression:
Feelings of emptiness or extreme sadness
Loss of interest and motivation to do regular activities
Increased level of anxiety
Decreased level of energy
Difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than usual
Difficulty concentrating
Abnormal weight loss or gain
Obsessive thinking about your infertility
Feelings of isolation from friends and family
Extreme and persistent feelings of anger
Persistent thoughts of death or suicidal thoughts or attempts
Persistent feelings of inadequacy, or worthlessness

What is the best way to make an appointment with you?
PFC patients phone the front desk at (415) 834-3000 and ask to set up an appointment. Those who prefer to see me outside PFC can make an appointment for a visit at either my San Francisco or Berkeley office by calling (510) 528-2750.

– Peggy Orlin, M.S., M.F.T.

A Few Good Eggs; Two Chicks Dish on Overcoming the Insanity of Infertility is one of the best books about infertility written from the patients’ perspective. Julie Vargo and Maureen Regan have written a very readable and entertaining book presenting the entire gamut of the infertility experience covering diagnosis, procedures and the psychological challenges faced by patients – mainly women – facing infertility.

The book is organized chronologically starting from the early disbelief after realizing that one might be infertile, through the testing procedures, physician diagnosis and ultimately treatments.

Back-up options for those women and couples for whom treatments are unsuccessful are also explored. Along the way, the authors provide stories of their own experiences as well as the experiences of other women with whom the authors have met and talked in order to write the book. These two women personally went through many of the procedures and shared the same emotions that most fertility patients experience, their unique perspective brings a human touch to their writing. This is a refreshing contrast to the books written for the consumer by physicians or other health care professionals that work in the field.

However, because the book is written by patients and not reproductive endocrinologists (REs), there are some areas that not all REs will agree with, such as their perspective on immunology and infertility. The authors also seem to have gone through their treatments some years ago as the list of drugs is not current with some of the drugs now commonly used for ovulation induction. For example, they mention Pergonal, which is not currently available and do not cover the recombinant FSH medications most commonly used today, Gonal-f and Follistim. Plus, I doubt that a reproductive endocrinologist proofread the chapter on medications because they misnamed Repronex as “Repromax.” I also think their description of the side effects of these drugs is frightening and not typical of the side effects experienced by most women using them in treatment.

The book does provide a lot of useful information in a personal and accessible fashion. Most of the facts are correct. And most of all, the publication encourages women not to wait to get help if they think they may be infertile.

– Eldon Schriock, MD

Stressed or anxious attempting to conceive?
Attend a Mind/Body@PFC workshop and learn healthy, positive ways to reframe your journey to pregnancy.

Saturday December 10th from 9AM to 4PM
This workshop is taught by our experienced fertility caregivers Peggy Orlin, MFT and Allison Chamberlaine, RN who are both trained by Alice Domar, PhD, a Harvard Medical School pioneer in the development of mind/body programs for infertility.

Peggy Orlin, MFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in the emotional aspects of infertility, third party family building and adoption. She has been a therapist for over 20 years and affiliated with PFC for the past 6 years. Her personal history of infertility led her to specialize in infertility counseling.

Allison Chamberlaine, RN is a registered nurse with 15 years of experience in the field of infertility. Ms. Chamberlaine has taught meditation and relaxation techniques for over 20 years and has been with PFC since 1996 where she now coordinates care for individuals involved in third party family building. Her personal history of infertility led her to specialize in infertility nursing.

Who Can Benefit from the Workshop?
Couples or individuals who are attempting to conceive and are experiencing emotional distress, and/or stress in their life. (You DO NOT need to be a PFC patient and/or currently in fertility treatment.)

What to expect at the Workshop?
A nurturing, supportive workshop where you will learn how to:
• Identify the potentially adverse impact of lifestyle behaviors on your reproductive health
• Employ multiple relaxation and stress reduction strategies
• Reduce your feelings of isolation related to infertility
• Decrease your symptoms of stress

How do I register?
Please call (888) 834-3095 for fee and workshop information and registration forms.
Space is limited.

My infertility journey started when I was only 17. I was diagnosed with endometriosis and underwent my first laparoscopy. I had temporarily relief and then my symptoms returned. I tried various alternative treatments but they too offered only temporarily relief. This was not the life that I wanted to have as a young adult who wanted to have children more than anything in the world.

Surgery after surgery, specialist after specialist, my quality of life was slowly going down the drain. Initially, I told doctors that I didn’t want to have a hysterectomy but later, something had changed. I was eight surgeries into my journey and I asked my doctor if I could have just my uterus removed so I could still try and have a biological child. He said yes and I was quite relieved. After the surgery, I felt better for a while, but the pain still continued. I had to evaluate my life and decide what was important to me. I knew I wanted to live, but the pain had me in and out of the hospital and often times feeling suicidal. I had no other choice but to have my ovaries removed.

Luckily, I thought about freezing embryos and called Pacific Fertility Center. I met with Dr. Isabelle Ryan and she changed my life. My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married and I was on a limited time line until I had my ovaries removed. We only had one chance to do this and we were determined to do it right. We underwent one cycle of In Vitro Fertilization and froze all of our embryos. We froze our embryos at a 2PN stage* per Dr. Conaghan and Dr. Ryan’s request. This would help our chances of having them thaw better but we don’t know how they will turn out. We were willing to take that chance.

Two weeks later, I had my ovaries removed and then felt I was ready to move on with my life. My boyfriend and I got engaged and together dealt with the loss of having me carry our child. In our counseling session with Peggy Orlin, MFT at Pacific Fertility Center, we talked about what if a gestational cycle didn’t work. We knew that we would be parents no matter what and if it wasn’t our biological child we could be ok with that.

From time to time, I still grieve the loss of being pregnant, but know that I did everything that I could. Since then we have gotten married and have been offered the opportunity of a lifetime. A dear friend has said that she would like to carry our child. She has restored our faith in humanity. What an offer!

As we are working out the details, we are thankful for her commitment to us and our journey. We will transfer some of our embryos into our gestational carrier and hope for the best. Dr. Ryan and all of the staff at Pacific Fertility Center have been so supportive of us that we can’t wait to come back when we are ready to do our transfer.
Anonymous, San Francisco

* A note from Laboratory Director Joe Conaghan, PhD:
Embryos can be frozen at different stages of development, usually 1, 3 or 5 days after oocyte retrieval. In general, the earlier they are frozen, the better they tolerate the freezing process. Embryos frozen on day 1, or at the 2 pro-nuclei stage, survive freezing and thawing at a rate over 95%.